Today has been an amazing day and I learned alot. Not only did I learn how to cook chicken due to Jillian White's expertise, I also learned about how it feels not to be afraid. In the moments when there is togetherness, when absorbed in the moment, there is no fear. And that feeling can become a permanent state I believe. I'll tell you my current greatest fear: it is falling asleep and not waking up. But even more than that I have feared wanting to fall asleep and not being able to. I feared this expecially at this time in my life because I don't want to hurt my body in any way. I want to support it on its journey to robust health. So I am going to embrace however sleepy or not sleepy I feel. I am going to trust my body's wisdom, as well as the wisdom of the universe. I have been reassured by bulliten board friends (fellow Hodgkin's folks) that insomnia is a normal side effect of the treatment. So, I when I am awake, I am just going to be there, be with that and not worry. Worry is the worst part of anything. Let go of the worry and be free. Fly free.
Today gave me courage and conviction. I am going to get better. Not only are the odds on my side, I am on my side. I've got too many good friends here and too much left to do on this planet to go anywhere yet. Cancer is a scary word. The stuff that comes with it can be so scary. But I am not going to waste my time and energy being afraid! I am going to believe that I will be made well, not just well, but better than ever before. I will radiate health inside and out like never before. These months have their challenging moments, but this treatment is temporary. I have the option to relax into this. To look at it not as a war, but as divine providence. This is happening for a reason. This is, as one friend suggested to me, not so much a "cancer experience" as a "healing experience." This experience is a step of my journey toward wholeness. This experience will make me a better servant of others, of the divine. And it will make me realize how much I've got to live for and how I am worthy of great love. And how I already have it.
Thank you to all my wonderful friends.
Thank you for showing me that I am not alone.
It occurred to me since posting this last night that I did not tell the "story of the painted pool." See, there is history here and we by having the pool painting party were simply building on that history. The history began with my grandfather Bill. One sunny Florida day Bill was sitting outside. Apparently there was a glare from the sun's rays bouncing off of the above ground pool's outside walls. So what else to do but splash the section in question a maroon shade of paint? Obviously. My dad came home from, work later that day and said, "Bill what happened to the pool? Why is one section of it painted red?" And of course Bill gave the logical explanation.
I was inspired after moving in. The red is good, but it needed.....more. It needed some love. So the pool painting party was born.
Oh, there will be more.
An additional note. I forget to explain the dresses. A woman named Margie who lives/lived (she's moving out) across the street and comes to visit brought them over. I guess she was going through stuff and though I might like them. Or else she thought my dad might like to try them on! Ha ha ha. I wasn't here for the actual dress gifting, I'm piecing things together here. Anyway.............. Jillian and I decided to play dress-up. And that is the story of the dresses.
