They go through stages, either selling mobile phone contracts, or 'have you had an accident that wasn't your fault' type legal stuff, or more recently 'life insurance'.
I've answered at least 8 calls now from the same company over the past 3 (working) days and it's becoming boring now. So tonight decided to go along with it and see what they'd say (instead of my usual 'No thanks, not interested').
So the phone rings, around 8.30pm - like you'd even WANT to discuss life insurance at 8.30pm if you'd been at work all day - and I answer and play along.
Cold caller: Hello, I'm not going to try to sell you anything, I'm just going to ask you a few questions and see if I can help you reduce your life insurance payments (ask me questions? Why? If you're not going to sell me anything hmmmm).....
Me: Umm, I'm not sure you can help me really
Cold caller: I may be able to help you pay less to offer your family complete protection, if I can just take a minute of your time I may be able to help you sleep easier knowing you've done your best to protect your loved ones
Me: Okay then, away you go
Cold caller: confirm you are Carole, this is your address, this is your age, do you have any dependent's, how much do you currently pay, which company (all of which takes longer than a 'few minutes' of my precious time, as she's still chatting away in-between about 'helping me to help my loved ones')
Then, crunch time......do you have any problems with your heart?
Me: No, none
Cold caller: Do you have cancer?
Me: Yes
Cold caller: You do have cancer? Really?
Me: No, I made it up.......(sigh)...Of course I have cancer, it's not something you joke about generally eh?
Cold caller: Ummm, ahh, ummm, I'm afraid you don't fit our criteria, sorry about that
Me: Hold on, I thought you wanted to help me protect my family? I thought you cared? What's the point in offering life insurance to only healthy people? You really really wanted to help me 5 minutes ago, what better way than to give me life insurance.
Cold caller: (now embarrassed) I, um, I don't really know what to say except that we don't insure people who are possibly, likely, to have a shorter life....(can tell by now that she really wants to end this conversation, quickly - so I carry on :-)....)
Me: I thought insurance was about 'risk' and 'offsetting risk'? Surely you insure healthy people knowing that they are likely to live longer and therefore you can afford to insure people like me, their payments will cover me. So, how much will it cost me per month?
Cold caller: I'm really sorry, we can't insure you, you just don't fit our criteria.
Me: What's the criteria then?
Cold caller: Well, you can't have cancer and get insured with us
Me: Why not? My surgeon doesn't know if I'm going to die so why should your company assume that I will
Cold caller: I understand what you are saying but you just don't fit our criteria - sorry....
Me: How can you have a criteria for selling me insurance when your opening words to me were 'I'm not going to try to sell you anything'?
Cold caller: Well, we don't actually sell the insurance, we drum up the interest and pass it on to the sales people tomorrow - but unfortunately you just don't fit their criteria
Me: Good! Then just stop bloody phoning me all the time then.
Wonder if I'll hear from them again tomorrow :-))
