Last year I started this blog - in April.
Easter was earlier last year - I know this because I was laying on the sofa for days wishing the GP's would open before Tuesday, 6th April because I was in so much pain and felt so totally crap. Easter was Friday 2nd to Monday, 5th April 2010
6th April was when a GP finally listened to me, stopped telling me I was simply depressed and got around to listening to all the vague symptoms I'd experienced over the previous few weeks/months.
6th April was the day when I left the GP surgery and absolutely knew (despite the GP's reassurances) there was something to worry about.
14th April was my first appointment at the hospital, my first biopsy, the first time a surgeon avoided eye contact with me when I asked directly 'Have I got anything to worry about'?
14th April was the first time my blood was taken to be tested for 'tumour levels'
20th April was my CT scan to check for localised spread
21st April was my Colonoscopy
22nd April was my Ultrasound Endoscan
28th April was my MRI scan to check other areas for spread
28th April was also the day I had my 2nd appointment at the hospital when I was told you have Stage 3 rectal cancer and unfortunately because of the position of your tumour we will need to remove the whole rectal area and provide you with a permanent colostomy
Actually whilst writing this I've realised that I do know how I feel about April - I now f**king hate April - but not nearly as much as I f**king hate cancer......... :-(
Yes I have moved on, yes I've had my treatment and my surgery, yes I'm recovering from it *still*, yes, I can live with the bag but I still hate April....
In a few days I'm going back to work, back to some kind of normality and hopefully I can put most of this last year behind me - but there's still that lingering doubt at the back of my mind that this fight isn't over yet.
And I think I will now always hate April and I will definitely always hate cancer :-(
I don't really know why I wrote this post, mostly I don't understand my own thoughts these days - but I suspect that anyone who has been diagnosed with cancer will understand it.
That's it for now - much love to all and thanks as ever for the support you've all given me over this past crappy 12 months.
