1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [a] ; you teach [b] me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
We were reading this passage in church today and the idea came to me to write down the interpretation that unfolded in my mind. The influence of yogis like Paramhansa Yogananda and all the thinking/writing I did while working toward my BA in Philosophy/Religion at Flagler College, as well as what I am going through right now, obviously has had an impact on the way biblical readings are "hitting" me these days.
Before going into how Psalm 51:1-12 spoke to me today, I will say that I have been realizing, especially lately that, at one level (the subjective one I guess!) what I am going through right now is a sort of spiritual training course. As difficult as it may be to stomach, some part of me brought this great challenge into my life in order to learn/grow in just the way that my Spirit asked for. And it is, in some sense, perfectly in harmony with the strange song of Creation.
Now some thoughts. What is this "sin" the Psalmist speaks of? What sin comes upon us at birth? Well at birth we are divided from our oneness with our mother in the womb. In addition, as we progressively become acclimated to our new environment, we learn the mind-trick of being able to separate ourselves from the rest of existence. The dream of Maya- the illusion of separateness sucks us in so that we may experience what we came here to experience and be what we came here to be. Our attachment to this illusion brings upon us the pain of the temporary, the ache of separation, and the longing for re-union. Re-union with what? With the Divine, with the Whole, with the All. The Something that is Nothing. The Fullness that is Empty. It is set up for us here though- Heaven is here, just waiting for us to tap into, no matter how things may appear to us when we are looking from the outside in. Great teachers have taught this truth. Heaven is here for us Now. We must learn to see from the inside out.
As I experience what it is like to be, at one level, this temporary mortal being afflicted with and battling cancer, it brings from the depths of my being a cry like the Psalmist's, "Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice." Allow me, O Lord, while in this very mortal and vulnerable state, to let go of myself within the arms of the You that is everyone and everywhere. Allow me to experience Divine Release from the pain of separation even while I am here in this form. In meditation, allow me to unite with the You that is in Everything, experiencing the ecstasy that You yourself have endowed us with the capacity to experience. Let the breath I breathe in and out be your Divine Breath breathing through me. And let this experience of union with you bleed into my every day life in as many ways as possible. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
