Last week I was in a plain old bad mood most of the time. My mind was in a rut and I was not ready to get out of it. I was sulking. On Friday I finally got myself out of the house and into a clothes store. Internally, kicking and complaining the whole way, of course. I went to Ross for Less. They have good prices. I was frusterated because I was not even sure what size I was at this point. I am not by any means huge, but the pants and shirts I used to wear just don't fit me anymore right now for the most part. I used to be like a 4 or 5 or 6 in pants; now I am either 9 or 11. I have also thrown away most intimate garments from the past, because my sizes in these items has also changed quite a bit.
It turns out that this trip out for me was a very good launching point. Unlike the last time I went to a clothing store, this time nearly everything I picked out on the first try was perfect. I ended up getting a pair of new blue jeans, a couple t-shirts, a cute frilly kind of grey soft shirt, and a new dress. And grey work out/yoga pants. Out with the old in with the new. The coolest part of this trip though, was on my way out when this old man, in his eighties perhaps, sitting by the window/door, smiled up at me and said: "I can tell that you are a happy person. You love to laugh. So you are going to live a long time." I felt like a blessing had been rained upon me. His observation was such a contrast to the negative tape that had been playing in my head. So I thanked him! And I have taken off with that. A mantra of sorts. It is true. I DO LOVE TO LAUGH! That is so true.
So I treated myself more and went to the Heavenly Nail and Spa. I got both a pedicure and a manicure. I sat there and sipped wine and met the owners' little pet yorkie, Angel, and their parrot. It was so relaxing and fun. I love the owners there; there is a funny story as to how we met that I have written about elsewhere. But it is a beautiful place on the beach, the view is awesome, and it is such a treat.
From then on (this was Friday), it has just been one thing after another. And ALL OF IT has been good. I was able to hang with friends I hadn't seen in a long time, enjoy the Nights of Lights in downtown St. Augustine, have a picnic on a boat, play Poker with a group of wise women, and laugh myself to pieces with Ms. Jillian White. I even went and talked to someone about playing music somewhere I have been wanting to play for a while, and they were totally into it. So, wow, am I grateful for this flow of life that is taking me on such a colorful and deepening journey.
I also must thank Chris, who is living with refractory Hodgkin's, because his attitude about life is inspiring to me. When I was feeling so down this week, I asked him how he managed to stay so positive, active, and, overall stable about things. He responded that he "keeps busy!" So that has also been a part of my challenge to myself, this weekend and beyond. I will risk putting myself out there more, being more socialible, and getting myself moving around through the scenery with eyes opened a little wider. Opening up to what is here. Staying present. Being here. Appreciating here!
I just walked in my room at my dad's after a day of hanging out with friends and having such fun. I saw the picture of Pooka sitting on the table by my door and my guitar on the floor by my bed. And I just felt such love and appreciation for my life! There is so much to love and adore about who I get to be in this world. The space I get to fill. And nothing is lost. Nothing can ever really be lost. Everything is here.
