My plan is to get up at 6:30 so I can be at school by 8, so I can get a good parking spot. I don't have class until 11, but i have enough homework kind of stuff to keep me busy.
I am having trouble falling alseep though. :(
I had ear plugs in my ears...they block out external sounds but make my own heartbeat sound terrifyingly loud. It freaks me out a little bit sometimes! It is just crazy how fragile (yet strong) the human body is. This system keeping me connected/hooked up to this reality...a network of blood vessels, a pumping heart, a brain firing electicity all hours of the day. It's really bizarre. What a miracle life is. A terrifying miracle. Ha ha.
I guess I'm a little anxious because my bronch came back clean. Well..that is good, it means no pneumonia. But i still have pneuminitis...weird right? Basically, what is most likely radiation caused inflammation of the lungs. Temorary. Dr. Garland wants me to go up to sixty mg of Prednisone per day, while Dr. Hoppe wants me to wait until he looks at the CT scan. We're still waiting for a copy of the CT scan. SOOOOO....obviously I am not eager to start downing high dose prednisone every day...BUT i don't want the pneuminitis to get worse, obviously also. BLA BLA BLA.
I am still glad I got radiation, but it still freaks me out, I'll admit. Sometimes I hear the buzzing in my ears like I did after rads and I feel it is still like an after effect or something. It is also weird that inflammation can take this long to show up. It typically shows up one to three months afterward. AKA now.
I remembered a prayer I made up when I was little that i used to say to God. Usually at night when trying to fall asleep. "Please help me not to be scared. And please let there not be any reason for me to be scared." Ha ha ha. That just came to my mind tonight, when i was laying here listening to my heart pump blood through my body. I just automatically started saying that prayer in my mind, then...made the connection and remembered where it came from. I think it is funny for some reason but I am too tired to figure out what is funny about it.
