Bites. Sometimes. In some ways. It just really does.
I don't want my friends to suffer....I don't want anyone to suffer!
We have had a lot of "bad news" in our Hodge Community recently.
I feel a little weird even writing about it because...is it really my business?
Well it sure is a heavy presence in my mind.
I guess it is my business because these are friends.
And I also have had Hodgkin's. Heck, I still have my port.
And I'm still on Prednisone.
This should give me some permission to speak.
Yet I feel unworthy. Haven't suffered enough or something.
Weird! Well I never claimed to be normal.
Listen, it's been a year.
Tomorrow is February first, two thousand and ten.
A year ago was the day that I went to a walk in emergency clinic in Arizona and was told that I had a tumor. February thirteenth (friday the 13th), was the day I was told it was Hodgkin's, stage 2B.
I have a lot to be grateful for. That is for certain.
One of these things is that I have had the opportunity to make new friends...good friends.
And I have had friendships strengthened.
I have had priceless beautiful moments. I have been comforted when in pain. I have been in good company. I have a cute and wonderful puppy friend Pooka. I am in remission. And here I am in music school in Tallahasseee! Not to mention....my parents and family have been simply amazing. I cannot express my gratitude for the love and care shown to me by my parents. It just blows my mind how I am as blessed as I am to have the immense support net work that I do.
I really am incredibly lucky. And for these blessings and many more, I bow down in gratitude.
I have been given so much.
So, sorry, this is mixed. I wish I could give you a straight-forward glimpse at my state of mind and reflection upon this past year. But, as often is the case with me, it's not black and white. I'm heart broken and rejoicing at the same time, honestly. I am immensely grateful and also deeply saddened. There is no way to pretend that suffering is not real. Suffering is real. And there is no way to avoid it. But love is also real. And for that...I am grateful.
