I get in this place where I just worry too much about not being capable of doing something...or good enough to do something. It is such bull****. I'm sorry, but it is. I am doing everything I should do. Working on my work..doing the things I am supposed to be doing, and not doing too many things I am not supposed to be doing. I'm just a simple human. That's all I am.
Of course there is God's light in me, like there is in every one else, and every thing else, really. And it's beautiful to see, feel, experience. It can also be lonely. How can something that is in every one and every thing make one feel so lonely? That doesn't makes sense.
I am making friends...it just takes time. Maybe I should be a little more outgoing. I have a lot on my mind a lot of the time. But I can let that go to experience someone else. I can drop me. But that is not the way to do it. Have to stay centered in me and be strong/stable enough to experience/reflect the other. I have had a hard time with this balance throughout my life. Everyone probably does. I am capable of empathy to the extreme, though, so it tends to be especially tricky for me...to differentiate sometimes...between self and other.
Well, it's all a learning experience.
Will I go to church tomorrow? I would like to, I think.
(We were supposed to park in the shopping center nearby. Which landed me right in front of a Sushi place. I was about 20 minutes early. How could I say no to sushi/saki??? Like I said earlier: simple human= Anastasia Spiecker. What else can I say? Cute ceramics, huh?)
("Walk in My Shoes" [composed by our director!] time= 4:24!)
(SOUL) Bradfordville First Baptist Church. Saturday, January 23, 2010[took this from the back row 1st Alto section while waiting..]
