That's a big part of it really-- I just feel really really tired. And I can't seem to get enough sleep. It took sooo much effort to go to the grocery store and tidy up my apartment (a bit) this afternoon. Laundry and dishes are going to have to be approached at a later time. At school I felt like I could hardly keep my eyes open. And I drank a big cup of coffee. All I could think about was coming home and curling up in bed again. :(Another part of it is that I am worried my cancer is coming back. Why am I worrying about this? Well...I keep having night sweats..or what seem to be almost night sweats. Like I wake up feeling I was just on the verge of breaking a sweat but hadn't. And a little itching here and there. These are what would be called "B symptoms" and if that is what they are...well..I don't know what the next step would be. I would probably have to move back home and get an SCT. From which I would then have a %50 chance of living five more years. I think. My chest pains also seem to be getting worse.
Ok, not to mention, I am being tapered off of Prednisone after having been on it since this past summer, and it can cause some withdrawl symptoms. Such as anxiety, facial rashes (!), and perhaps even tiredness.
I did not help my cause my binge drinking the other night and a couple of nights before that.
I am seriously pursuing help with that as I realize it has gotten worse with my anxiety and frustration in regard to my health situation.
I would like to be able to see things in the most positive light possible and that is hard to do when I keep sabotoging myself. I could be totally over-reacting regarding the potential "B-symptoms." It is hard to keep my head on straight lately. Plus I really am just so exhausted...mentally physically emotionally. You name it. Tired is me.
I think I need a vacation....
