Sometimes London becomes totally suffocating in the summer heat but not yet :-)
I just wish my mood was full of summer sunshine because it's not. I can't seem to be bothered about pretending to be fine at the moment, I'm not fine!
I am in constant discomfort, feel totally fed up, can't be bothered to discuss ways to feel better because I don't want to feel better I want to be better - and that comes at too high a price right now.
I feel angry and irritated and I don't want anyone to tell me to 'pick yourself up' or remind me how much I should be feeling grateful for - I already know all that and I still feel depressed, uncomfortable and angry.
I don't want to talk about it - I just want to be left alone, I want to be depressed right now - being bloody positive all the time is just too hard.
Probably I'm feeling like this at the moment because the initial treatment starts on Monday and that of course takes me nearer to the next stage of treatment, the surgery.
I don't want the surgery, I don't want the damn bag and I'm tired of pretending it's all going to be OK because it's not OK...I don't want ANY of this - so today and until I feel like it I shall be staying in my foul mood.
Anyway, spent the day labelling clothes and starting to pack Dj's suitcase for his school trip.
He leaves at 11.30am on Monday 7th June and comes back about 5pm Friday 11th June.
James, Jawad & Terry are going to be tackling his bedroom while he's away so hopefully that'll be a nice surprise for him when he returns...... I say 'hopefully' because those of you that know Dj will know he really doesn't respond to change very well - so 'hopefully' he'll love his new style room (fingers crossed) :-)
My main concern about his room is that the vinyl flooring hasn't yet arrived - eeek! Oh well, if it doesn't turn up on time we can just sort that out when it does get here...
Dj has spent the past 3 days with James and Leanne to give me a break. He loves going there during the school holidays because Leanne takes him to work with her and that way he gets to play with other kids. He was supposed to come home yesterday but phoned and asked if he could spend one extra day. Leanne was happy for him to stay longer so I agreed.
Tomorrow he'll need to get his hair cut and then sort out his homework project (daft idea to give them homework when they're going on school journey next week, because no-one will remember and it won't get checked when they go back to school - which then means he'll feel like it was all a waste of time).
I don't want to talk about it - I just want to be left alone, I want to be depressed right now - being bloody positive all the time is just too hard.
Probably I'm feeling like this at the moment because the initial treatment starts on Monday and that of course takes me nearer to the next stage of treatment, the surgery.
I don't want the surgery, I don't want the damn bag and I'm tired of pretending it's all going to be OK because it's not OK...I don't want ANY of this - so today and until I feel like it I shall be staying in my foul mood.
Anyway, spent the day labelling clothes and starting to pack Dj's suitcase for his school trip.
He leaves at 11.30am on Monday 7th June and comes back about 5pm Friday 11th June.
James, Jawad & Terry are going to be tackling his bedroom while he's away so hopefully that'll be a nice surprise for him when he returns...... I say 'hopefully' because those of you that know Dj will know he really doesn't respond to change very well - so 'hopefully' he'll love his new style room (fingers crossed) :-)
My main concern about his room is that the vinyl flooring hasn't yet arrived - eeek! Oh well, if it doesn't turn up on time we can just sort that out when it does get here...
Dj has spent the past 3 days with James and Leanne to give me a break. He loves going there during the school holidays because Leanne takes him to work with her and that way he gets to play with other kids. He was supposed to come home yesterday but phoned and asked if he could spend one extra day. Leanne was happy for him to stay longer so I agreed.
Tomorrow he'll need to get his hair cut and then sort out his homework project (daft idea to give them homework when they're going on school journey next week, because no-one will remember and it won't get checked when they go back to school - which then means he'll feel like it was all a waste of time).
Apart from that, nothing special to do this weekend - just preparing for the trip really.
