Ok, update on treatment since Tuesday.
As you all know they gave me some morphine and gel stuff to apply to the broken skin. I then attended my appointment on Wednesday, struggled again all night with the ongoing pain and continual discomfort then made the decision on Thursday morning that I NEED a break from the treatment.
Contacted the Radiotherapy department at lunchtime on Thursday to let them know I wouldn't be coming for treatment on Thursday or Friday this week.
Spoke to a Radiographer who said she was obligated to tell me that missing two appointments could affect how well the overall treatment worked - I felt so pissed off at that comment that I responded with 'I'm obligated to tell you that actually I DON'T CARE!'...
It's funny how they can talk about possibly delaying my treatment to give me a chance to heal and that's ok but as soon as I say I want a break then I'm putting myself at risk.
Either way, I want and need a break now. My skin is too broken and sore to continue at the moment and I need to heal before I carry on.
Had a chat with James today and that helped a lot. I'm going to ring the Colorectal nurses at Kings on Monday morning if I'm not feeling better because I want to know HOW everyone is so sure that I 'need' 25 sessions when they don't actually know if the treatment is working, has worked really well, has made no difference etc....it feels like total guesswork to me at the moment and I've got this notion in my head that maybe the external burning is now so bad because the tumour HAS been reduced internally?...
What I do know is that I don't need anyone giving me a hard time over this because I've got more than enough pain to cope with at the moment.
I'm spending the next few days doing the bare minimum, concentrating on my burns and myself and sleeping if necessary to get through the pain.
Rab cooked a nice meal last night and is planning to cook again this evening - he's taken the day off work today because he feels it's better for him to be here at the moment - I know he's worried about me because I don't usually break down in tears on a daily basis but that's all he's seen now for the past two weeks.
James and Leanne have offered to take Dj out on Sunday and talk to him again because I know he's been feeling really worried about me being in so much pain. I try to hide it from him as much as possible but he's been aware this week that it's been awful and I can see he's feeling a bit scared at the moment. He didn't go to school today because his stomach was a bit upset during the night and he was feeling 'sickly' today - I think it might be because he's worried about things in general.
Anyway, will update my blog over the weekend to say if I'm feeling any better after taking a break from the zapping for a few days.
