I'm having a hard time.
I just heard my grandfather Bill is in the hospital with failing kidneys. I am now even more sad.
Probably because of a surgery recently done to supposedly help him but might've been too much for his kidneys. Stupid hospital medical business probably just did it for their own financial gain. I really hate the world right now. I really hate everything right now.
Classes started on Monday. All seven of them. At least two of them are going to be very hard. Sight-singing and Music Theory III.
I've been very grumpy. Sad and angry, impatient, rude, just all around horrible.
I feel so angry when technology doesn't work, when there are no parking spaces, when people are talking about stupid things. I am having a hard time concentrating on anything.
Yasar is not here. He is out of town. But I think he is angry with me because he won't talk to me.
I am annoyed that my chest hurts, twinges that could be itches, my wound healing so slowly, sweating in my sleep, knots in my stomach.
I am scared. And I am frustrated. And homesick.
I am still wondering if I should take a semester off. But then I feel like I shouldn't...or can't. College is just another business anyway. These classes I am taking are just money in somebody's pocket and out of some imaginary fund that I don't even have. To learn details about music that I honestly couldn't care less about at this moment.
I am such a mess...who am I to be studying a therapy anyhow. I can hardly maintain my own stability.
