I Am Pissed and I am NOT Sorry

I'm ****ing pissed right now. I shouldn't even be writing but I have to or I feel like I will break/punch/throw something. I wish I could just go crazy. But, ****, I can't. Rationally I know it is the steroids in my system intensifying stoking fiery feeling and that it is just energy. But ****, I feel like I am about to explode inside!! I am sad and I am ****ing pissed! I am twenty-four and I am a pretty nice person. I've done some stupid **** but so have a lot of people, and they are probably not half as honest about it. There are so many selfish, spoiled, stupid, ignorant people and lots of them seem to have it all going for them. They play the game like pros and get everything they want out of life. I feel like I am losing everything and I never even wanted that much to begin with. My needs are relatively simple. But, God, I feel so insatiably hungry and so ****ing lonely. Why has the right person not come along? Why have so many people ****ing ****ed me over! Why is this ****ing **** happening?? I should be in love and making babies right now. Instead I am being told that with the chemo there is a 20% chance I will never be able to have children. I am also being told I cannot go to the Billy Joel and Elton concert on March 2nd, which happens to be my stupid x-boyfriend's birthday who ran away like the ****ing coward he is to N.Y. last year and hasn't even ****ing called me since this **** began. God! You weak ignorant irresponsible people!! Why did you let this happen to me? Why did you let my life become such a tragedy?? I am so pissed!!! The last thing I want to do is go back to that cancer center at one to listen to the nurse's schpeeel and listen to my mom ask stupid questions about soap. **** this ****! I'm to ****ing intelligent and too damn passionate to be suffocated in this withering life! Why am I surrounded by so many idiots?? I already know what is going to happen. I knew what was going to happen years ago. People didn't want to hear. Hardly anyone listens anyway. They cover their tiny ears and hide away in their stupid little caves. I already know what is going to happen. In short: I'm ****ed. Being ****ed over is my ****ing life story. It should come as no surprise. No surprises here. I know too much to live on this planet.