I am so sorry and rude. I just had no idea that this treatment was going to possibly effect my fertility. It just feels so unfair. During the same appointment this morning, I was given a short tour of the little chemo room and the nurse was joking about how they give anti-nausea meds before the chemo because they don't want their patient's "puking" (her exact wording, I am so serious) all over the place. God. Kill me now. Not really. But maybe.
And these doctors put me on a ridiculous amount of steroids (um...I think they're lowering my dose now, per my family's request). I'm already a little ball of fire, I don't know what they were thinking. If my chances for living weren't so good and if I didn't have a family that loves me like crazy I would be so over this. I'm just too sensitive for this harsh world. I saw a friend of mine with cancer getting his chemo while I was there. Some life has left him, but he was still able to talk to me. Weeks ago when I was feeding the animals with him at H.A.W.K. E. I never dreamed that I might be receiving chemo next to him within a month's time. Friday the thirteenth. Bla. What a day. And, to top it off, it is the day before Valentine's Day, the worst
"holiday" ever concieved of by humankind! I wish someone would give me some "happy" drugs! Or just show me a painless way to end it now. JK. It's too early for that.
"holiday" ever concieved of by humankind! I wish someone would give me some "happy" drugs! Or just show me a painless way to end it now. JK. It's too early for that.
I found out this morning that my stage is 2b. The cancer is not in my bone marrow, which is good. On Monday I will have something called a "port" installed in my chest, underneath my collarbone. Then, each time I go for chemo, the area of my skin will be numbed and they will just stick the needle in there. Happy, happy, joy, joy. The nurses love it. They think it's great. Great. On Tuesday, I have an appointment to do some sort of pulmonary evaluation test. Ugh. I think it involves physical exertion. Just put the freaking toxic, potentially fertitlity squashing chemicals in my body already, that is what you are going to do anyway. Oh yeah and a PET scan on....Tuesday? I think. Wednesday is the first day of chemo.
I need to listen to some good music or something. Gravity's got me down today. That St. Augustine Cancer Center was not as bright and friendly as Mayo, unfortunately. I mean, it was okay. The people seemed dumber, which is always a bummer (I'm a poet and I know it). Why can't people be more careful with how they talk to other people? I don't want to hear about how they give patients anti-nausea medication to keep the chemo area nice and clean. I'll throw up all over the place if I damn well please. That lady should go do the pulmonary stamina exertion whatever test in my stead. She needs the exercise way more than little ol' me.
