Welcome back...

Behold my calloused, filthy gems:

I've been extra cautious about the welfare of my feet throughout treatment. They've been heavily guarded by the ever-durable Target sock (perfect thickness and warmth for a marley floor) for fear that I'd manage to slice my foot open while doing some treacherous pas de bourrées.

But the weather's getting warmer, and unless I can shuffle around in my dingy old J. Crew flip flops something is truly missing from my spring/summer self. Plus, Zephyr's annual Illinois Wesleyan Tour de Dance Appreciation class is upon us. And my turquoise socks ARE NOT considered nice rehearsal attire in any sense of the word. (Check out the neglected ones heaped in the corner...)

Oh bare feet, I've missed you so very much.

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In the name of millimeters...

Four more treatments to go...the end is in sight. Not quite plain view, but that point when you're driving southbound on the Edens and you get that first shadowy glimpse of the Sears Tower. I've certainly taken better care of myself this time around. (Translation: not drinking so much that my veins disappear. Even Chemo Girl gets to have a little fun!)

Another test is upon us. Tomorrow I visit the friendly radiology department at NorthShore for a CT Scan. Though February's PET Scan showed that there is no more abnormal uptake (the cancer is not active/spreading), my lymph nodes were still enlarged. And by enlarged I mean centimeters. These nodes have been seriously cramping my lung capacity's style for far too long, so I'm really excited to see the results of tomorrow's photo shoot.  Not only am I excited, I'm sure that they've shrunk. Considering my sizable knowledge of the medical field,  here are several reasons why I might be the most optimistic (or delusional?) girl you know:

On Monday, I was doing a pretty intense pectoral muscle stretch during rehearsal and discovered that I was able to breathe easily in the position for the first time IN THREE YEARS. The reason that was my first foray into that particular stretch in awhile is because during Zephyr's usual Monday yoga routine I typically feel like falling down. Recently, however, I'd compare my energy level to that of the Grinch when he lifts the sleigh over his head. Serious power! So not only does my strength and energy level continue to dramatically rise, but I actually feel like I can understand the clues my body gives me.

Time to drink a really awful concoction no milkshake will mask in the name of measurement. Millimeters and such....

More about → In the name of millimeters...

Ripping off the Band-aid

As bewildered as I've been by this whole hair loss/head shaving debacle, it's over. I decided a while ago that sharing this facet of my experience was particularly important. I wonder if I had stumbled across a similar blog posting a few months ago I would have dealt with it differently. Special thanks to Matt's crafty editing work and my fantastic stylist Courtney Engel's serious abilities with clippers. Although it's not featured in this particular video, her work with thinning shears is also incomparable.

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It's time for a sing-a-long!

Because I don't make good use of my time, this is what I did this morning. In true Weird Al form, I've created my own lyrics for Rocky theme "Eye of the Tiger." I dedicate it to the driver of the bright yellow bug. So follow this link and play it while perusing my lyrics.

"Survivor: Eye of the Hodgkin's"
By Anne Kasdorf

Walkin' out, onto McLean
Time to go get some chemo
Had pneumonia, now I'm back on my feet
Just an Anne and her will to survive.
Six cycles of, A-B-V-D
Will get those lymph nodes back to normal
We're off to Kellogg in the bright yellow bug
Just to rid cancer cells from my life!!!

It's the eye of the Hodgkin's
in my chest and stomach
but it never got into my lungs, yeah.
And the rate of survival's unbelievably high
So I'm gonna get rid of the eeeeeeyyyyyee.
Of the Hodgkin's.

I was sick, feelin' so tired
Now I'm tough, stayin' hungry (for ice cream)
I've got big lymph nodes, and my white count is low
Chemo Girl's got the skill to survive

It's the eye of the Hodgkin's
in my chest and stomach
but it never got into my lungs, yeah.
And the rate of survival's unbelievably high
So I'm gonna get rid of the eeeeeeyyyyyee.
Of the Hodgkin's.

Cortisone, straight to the vein
Lost some hair, not my dinner
Went through chemo, now I'm not gonna stop
Just an Anne and her will to survive

It's the eye of the Hodgkin's
in my chest and stomach
but it never got into my lungs, yeah.
And the rate of survival's unbelievably high
So I'm gonna get rid of the eeeeeeyyyyyee.
Of the Hodgkin's.

More about → It's time for a sing-a-long!

Support the American Cancer Society!

Help our friend Bryan Kappy raise money for the American Cancer Society. He's taken on the unenviable task of running Chicago's annual Shamrock Shuffle. (The sheer thought makes me hyperventilate.) Go Kappy Go!!!

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/DetermiNation/DNFY10Illinois?px=14175880&pg=personal&fr_id=25051&fl=en_US&et=XVj27bXWBgTGUiwvI0fAMA..&s_tafId=469704

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The Adventures of Chemo Girl!

Her special power? In moments of sheer exhaustion, Chemo Girl surprises her fiercest foes with sudden bursts of energy: jumping in heels during a rare night out, dancing through the nausea in company class.

Every one of these startling instances is her opportunity to deliver a time bomb to these vicious invaders. Her energetic optimism is just a reminder: your days are numbered, cancer cells.

And she wears a cape.

Stay tuned! Tomorrow Chemo Girl meets her fate at the PET scan...

More about → The Adventures of Chemo Girl!

But I'm a Leo!

...So you can imagine my surprise, bewilderment and confusion when after 26 years of looking to that bold, fierce symbol for any novelty fortune-telling needs my horoscope indicates that my birthday now falls between August 23 and September 22.

Through six months of self-diagnosis, internet "research," useless doctor visits and a skin tone that quickly faded from healthy to ghost-like, cancer never for a second entered my consciousness. Not once. Even as I sat in the hematology lab telling the 85th intern to ask that I DID NOT remember experiencing any fevers recently I was still convinced it was just pneumonia.

The 95% certainty of my doctor that it was Hodgkin's got through to me the next morning. So after a brief three minutes of being scared out of my mind I started fighting cancer.

Because my birthday is July 30.

The idea to post "The Cancer Dancer" came to me not long after receiving that life-altering information. (Catchy title, inspiring story...read: book and movie deals.) I had immediately considered the implications to my dance career: as an artist, an athlete and as an adult who has to make money. My crazy dance life will be back soon, and this will be the chronicle of how it returns.

More about → But I'm a Leo!