Delicious and soothing. I am enjoying a mug of hot ginger tea. The seas (of my emotions) are MUCH calmer today.
I think the high dose of prednisone that I am ingesting daily did a number on my mood yesterday. I am on a lot of medication, period. And I am of sensitive chemestry as it is.
I am a delicate little flower. ;p
I hope I didn't upset anyone with anything I wrote.
It feels un-natural to repress that side....and I want to show it.
Perhaps that is selfish...but at the same time,
even if I were not me, I would want to read that part of me too.
When I read the occasional cancer rant or miserable mood influenced journal entry...it is in a strange sense....slightly comforting....to me. That may sound totally whack, but there is something about hitting bottom. I guess if you hit bottom you are not falling anymore. And there is some sanity....in the insanity. Expressing some fire helps to bring me out of the sadness. The sadness has this heavy, sticky, slow motion quality to it. The fire, the anger, the heat, the tension, spices things up. And they start moving. The fog starts lifting. I just try to allow the process. And not do anything crazier than post a crazy blog.
Of today- I had a very nice day with my mother today. We had lunch downtown together and stopped at the candy shop for some goodies. I also got two new head-scarf-bandana things. I won't need them for too much longer! August 10 in my last day of AVD chemo. (Yes!) This week I've got a couple of doctor appointments. Tuesday with my primary care physician, to discuss getting off these post-hospital drugs ASAP (and as is safe and wise to do so, of course). Wednesday with one of the pulmonologists at Flagler to follow up with regarding my PFT test last week, on which the numbers were a little low. I am not surprised that the numbers are low, since my lungs have been going through a challenging time with this chemo toxicity stuff. My plan is that my lungs, along with the rest of my beautiful body, will just keep getting better and better!
Some things for next week. Perhaps I should try getting out of the house on my own for a bit! I haven't driven my car in over two weeks! I would like to take a walk every day, during a time at which it is not too hot. And I need, need, need, to eat more fresh green stuff! I miss it. I think I get depressed when I don't eat enough fresh, living food. That is what my body and my mind love the best. Part of me feels deprived and starving when all I eat is stuff that has been cooked to death. Maybe I should go to my dad's during the day and start juicing again. And one day...one day....a little garden and a compost area! Really want to do that one day.
See? This is not merely the realm of death and decay.....it is the space for rebirth and renewal as well! Just a coin flipping away.
