When I am once more a college student (soon to be) I will feel entitled to purchase, on credit, the most recent version of Microsoft Word. Woohoo. Right now...my latest Word has expired...I've got Microsoft Works, the Notepad, and, of course, Blogspot to roughdraft away on. However..these three are not the most willing to flow into one another. In other words, if I am going to post online, I've got to type it up, word for word, here, online. Bla bla bla. Anyway, I have to admit...I really like Mircrosoft Word, it just works really well...the top of the line in word processing, or so it seemed when I used it when I was in college a year ago or so.
Why is this so important? Well, I'm not sure how important it will be when I am studying Music Therapy, but basically, I really enjoy writing and it is something that I feel I should have ease with my medium. And, these days, word processing is practically, if not definitely, a must. Although, don't me wrong, I do like hand-writing things- poems, letters, journaling, etc.. Actually, earlier today, I was feeling SO creative..I was up early...and I wanted just to WRITE. But actually to type, since I was sitting in front of my computer. But it was buzzing. And I was feeling so sensitive that the sound of the buzzing was agitating me...enough that I didn't write..but realized I just needed to sit with it...with the agitation.
I sound like a mad-woman. Oh well. It is a strange feeling...this CREATIVE FRENZY. Well, okay, it is not necessarily a FRENZY, becuase it is contained. Because I am extremely self-conscious. I let some of it free, sometimes, and sometimes it turns into a song or a poem or maybe even a Youtube or an e-mail, but for the majority of the time, I just feel it. Especially when I do something unusual, like wake up early! It is a powerful feeling. Sometimes it feels as though it might very well overwhelm my human body and consciousness. Just energetically, emotionally, in which case I would just end up in tears or something equally as inconsequential and harmless. Just to say that....I am not dangerous....I just feel intensely...sometimes. It is a strange space....oscillating between so thrilled to be in this amazingly creative fecund space...to being, at the next edge of the moment, sad from seeing how temporary, vulnerable, and useless I may very well be. It is like...there is so much flowing by, so much going on, I am not even sure what to grab on to...! And at the same time I feel quite aware of my innate weakness, the frailty of my human body and existence.
Well.....in the REAL WORLD, I had a great time today, recording a christmas song, "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas," today, at Eclipse Studio. This song will be a part of the yearly donation-generative (toward the "Empty Stocking Fund," I believe) compilation of local artists doing Christmas tunes, and I cannot wait to hear it. :) It was a great and wonderful experience for me to be once again in the studio! This is definitely a dream come true, as I told Jim today, I clearly remember singing karaoke christmas songs at an Xmas fair in Miami when I was around 10 years old. It was in my heart to do this more....any chance I got! At a time when I was truly shy and quiet.., singing my heart out was one thing that I felt very authentic yet exhibitionist about. These opportunities to express my essence especially are deepy appreciated from the bottom of my heart! Not only to express my essence, but to open up for a connection on a deeper level than which I am consciously aware. I appreciate and accept and embrace it! With Gratitude!
